9 toxic traits to look out for (and how to deal with them)

List of 9 toxic personality traits you should look out for

Looking out for toxic people in a general sense takes emotional intelligence. You're going to be using your subjective judgment here.

Remember that you're just as prone to cognitive biases and poor judgment as anyone else. When you're on the receiving end of someone's poor behavior, it's easy to let your emotions take over and cloud your viewpoint.

So make sure you're well-rested, level-headed, and not feeling hangry when you think about these - eat a sandwich first!

That said, if someone's displaying certain bad behaviors repeatedly over time, you can be fairly certain that it's a toxic trait. And with that, you'll be better equipped to deal with them.

1. Passive aggression

Passive-aggressive behavior is when someone tries to express their anger or frustration indirectly, instead of communicating openly.

For example, a passive-aggressive coworker might make sneaky comments about your work instead of telling you directly that they think it's subpar. Or, if you're in a relationship with someone who's passive-aggressive, they might start sulking instead of telling you directly that they're upset. If you've got housemates who have a dispute with you, they'll leave snooty notes around the house for you to find - "please do NOT use my coffee jar again!" It's usually a sign of a poor relationship or an inability to properly express emotions. It also goes hand in hand with the next toxic trait.

2. Conflict avoidance

Conflict avoidance is when somebody goes to great lengths to avoid any kind of confrontation. They'll do anything possible to keep the peace, even if it means sacrificing their own needs or beliefs.

This often happens in toxic relationships - the person who's conflict-avoidant will put up with a lot of bad behavior because they don't want things to get messy or uncomfortable. And as many people will know, this only leads to further resentment down the line.

They may also have a fear of abandonment, so they'll stay in relationships that are harmful just to ensure that they won't be left alone. If you're someone who avoids conflict, ask yourself whether your fear is worth more than your happiness. Sometimes taking action really is the best step.

3. Constant negativity

If someone is always negative, critical, and unsupportive, they're exhibiting a toxic trait.

This kind of person can really bring down the mood in any situation. They might have a pessimistic outlook on life, or be hypercritical of others.

They might also make frequent complaints, often about things that are out of their control. And instead of offering constructive feedback, they'll just shoot down anyone's ideas, no matter how good they are.

These people can be hard to work with and affect team performance. Sometimes, they're just set in their ways. Perhaps they aren't even aware of their negativity.

4. Toxic positivity

While constant negative behavior can certainly wear others down, the other end of the spectrum toxic positivity can be just as oppressive and harmful.

Research shows that frequently suppressing negative emotions decreases your mental health and emotional wellness[1]. Workplaces are increasingly fueled by positivity and positive thinking, which can be a good thing. However, there is a fine line that needs to be maintained so your team feels psychologically safe enough to be able to speak up when something is genuinely wrong.

If you hear managers or colleagues dismissing other team members' concerns or even saying something as seemingly innocuous as "stay positive and you'll feel better" when replying to a legitimate concern, it's time to step in.

5. Self-centeredness and arrogance

This is one of the most recognizable toxic traits. Arrogance and self-centredness are two sides of the same coin.

Arrogant people think highly of themselves, to the point where they feel that they're better than everyone else. They might have an inflated sense of their own importance, and see themselves as above others both in ability and in worth.

They might show a lack of empathy and only care about their own needs. In a work context, this can make them very difficult to manage - they might not listen to direction or feedback, and will only do things their way.

In a personal relationship, this trait can cause all kinds of problems. If your partner is always putting themselves first, they're not going to be very good at meeting your needs. And if they think they're better than you, it's only a matter of time before they start treating you badly.

Professional success that is achieved with self-centredness shows destructive behavior. People like this sometimes use their unusually high self-confidence to climb the career ladder rapidly.

These are also key traits of narcissism, a recognized personality disorder that should only be diagnosed by a psychology expert[2].

6. Lying and manipulation

We're all guilty of telling the occasional lie sometimes.

But someone who does it constantly, to the detriment of those around them, can be called a compulsive liar or even a pathological liar.

Psychologists typically have a lot to say about how someone's childhood and upbringing have an impact on their tendency to lie as an adult. And having toxic parents certainly has an impact too. If you notice that someone lies a lot, it usually takes a sensitive approach to discuss their behavior.

Sometimes all it takes is some honest communication between the two of you to get yourselves on the same page.

7. Destructive criticism

Destructive criticism is when someone makes negative comments about somebody else with the intention of hurting them. It could be a personal attack, or it could be an undermining remark about their work.

It's often disguised as helpful feedback, but in reality, it's anything but. The person delivering the criticism doesn't care about the recipient - all they're interested in is putting them down and making themselves feel superior.

If you're on the receiving end of destructive criticism, your best bet is to remove yourself from that situation as quickly as possible. Distance yourself emotionally and mentally, and don't entertain their nonsense.

8. Gaslighting

Have you ever been in a situation where you start doubting your own memory or perception of events? That's gaslighting.

It's a psychological form of manipulation in which the person gaslighting tries to make you question your reality so that they can assert their own.

It's a subtle, long-term tactic that abusers often use to maintain control over the other person. It's especially effective on people that are less assertive.

One form of gaslighting could be that you are suddenly left out of important meetings which involve you. Or they accuse you of making mistakes that you know you didn't make.

In romantic relationships, the gaslighter might try to sugarcoat toxic situations while making you feel like you're overacting.

It can take emotional awareness to identify when this is happening. You might even need to seek the advice of a nonbiased person to weigh in.

Responding to gaslighting at work can be challenging. Preparing before confronting the situation is essential. Prepare yourself mentally to respond to gaslighting in the moment so you can maintain your composure. You might also need to gather evidence (think paper trails from emails) to support your claims. Then discuss them with a supervisor.

9. Abusive or controlling behavior

Abusive or controlling behavior can take many different forms. It could be threats, physical violence, emotional manipulation, or psychological aggression.

Either way, it's a sign that the person exhibiting this behavior is not in a good place emotionally. They're using their power to control and dominate the other person. There are good and bad types of power - and this is a bad one.

If you're being abused or controlled by someone, get help immediately.

If this happens in your professional life, tell someone in management what's going on as soon as possible.

In your personal life, you could get advice from friends, family, a therapist, coach, law enforcement, charities, and government services. Remember, even if it doesn't seem too bad, make sure someone knows about it. Unfortunately, minor forms of abuse can escalate into something more serious over time.

10. Incivility

Incivility is a wide term that includes a range of behaviors you'd typically call 'rude'.

This includes making insulting or demeaning comments, joking about someone at their expense, being distracting or inappropriate, or just being plain rude to someone.

Saying nasty things to someone or about them certainly counts. As does being impolite during social interactions or even backhanded compliments.

As you'll see from our article on workplace incivility, it can lead to worse things down the line - unwanted physical contact, aggression, threatening behavior, and more.

So treat incivility as an indicator of potential trouble in the future. Be sure to deal with it early on.

Building emotional awareness of toxic traits

You aren't capable of changing others. However, you can build skills that empower you to have healthy relationships with others.

Fingerprint for Success can help you focus on your brilliance and communication. The F4S assessment gives you a clear understanding of your strengths and areas of improvement. With these instant results, you'll have an increased self-awareness. By understanding your 48 motivational traits, you'll have insight into how you can better engage with others, even if they're toxic.

You can set personal goals and AI Coach Marlee will offer personalized recommendations to ensure your success. To better handle a toxic person, the Personal Power program can boost your confidence. You'll also learn healthy ways to complete so you don't take on toxic traits of your own. With our coaching programs, you can overcome challenges to create the life and career you dream of.

If you're working with a team to support team collaboration and eliminate toxic patterns of behavior, F4S can also help.

Simply take the free F4S assessment. Then create a team and invite your colleagues to take the assessment. You'll see team dynamics that can be utilized to improve understanding of one another and bring harmony and cohesion to your team. This can help identify areas of difference so you can minimize toxic conflict in the workplace.