While bullying has long been considered by some as 'normal childhood behavior', research into the long-term effects of bullying shows that the reality is far more serious. According to a longitudinal study1, victims face higher risks of depression up to 36 years after the bullying happened. Far from a harmless rite of passage, the harmful effects of school bullying can follow victims into adulthood.If your child is experiencing bullying, we've put together this resource to help you understand the causes of bullying and what you can do about it.
According to the (Australian) National Centre Against Bullying2, bullying can be defined as:
"An ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening."
In short, a bully is someone who takes advantage of power imbalances of any kind in order to cause harm on an ongoing basis. This could be in the form of:
It's important to note that bullying isn't an isolated incident of nastiness or mutual animosity. Instead, it is characterized by an ongoing and one-sided nature. For example, two young people engaged in an argument, on a level playing field, isn't necessarily bullying. In fact, this may be an important part of children developing conflict resolution skills. On the other hand, an older or bigger child intimidating a smaller or younger child, on an ongoing basis, is bullying.
Above all else, bullying can be identified by the impact it can have on your child's mental health. If you believe your child has fallen prey to bullying, here are some signs you need to look out for.
One of the most commonly reported effects of bullying is an overwhelming sense of shame3. Victims can learn to internalize the sense that they are to blame, and they may feel reluctant to discuss it. Even with their parents.
If you suspect your child is being bullied and you confront them, they may deny it. This is why knowing the telltale signs that a child is being bullied is an important step towards keeping your child safe.
According to the National Centre Against Bullying, here are some signs that a child is being bullied4:
While some of the above may be a natural part of adolescence, if several of these are true of your child, it is possible that they're being bullied.
There are numerous risk factors that can increase the likelihood of bullying behavior. Research5 has shown that these behaviors stem from environmental factors at home.
If a child is predisposed to the following, they are more likely to display bullying traits:
Further, the research points to bullying as a school-wide phenomenon that can be fostered by the school climate. If school staff are bullies, or they tacitly support bullying behavior by believing that it's 'not a big deal', bullying can become ingrained in the school environment. Disciplinary action and support for both the victim and the bully must be provided to address the behavior.
The repercussions of bullying are profound and affect victims in a wide range of ways. These effects include10:
It's important to clarify that bullies, themselves, are the cause of bullying at school. Many victims of bullying feel that they are responsible, or have in some way brought the bullying upon themselves. This is not true and should be reiterated to the victim.
Despite the grim outlook, it is crucial to recognize that with the right support, coaching, and training, victims of bullying can recover and even thrive after enduring these challenging life experiences. Understanding the causes and effects of bullying is the first step toward creating a safer and more supportive school environment for all students.
While it's true that anybody is at risk of bullying, sadly, there are common characteristics that place some children at a higher risk of being bullied9.
Research has shown that racial differences, sexual orientation, and physical disability10 are common risk factors associated with being a victim of bullying. Other qualities, such as children who are perceived as over or underweight, small in stature, or have social anxiety may also make some students a bigger target for bullies.
When your child is experiencing bullying, it is crucial to lend an empathetic ear and engage in open conversations with them.
By doing so, you can gather information about the situation and take steps toward resolving the problem. Creating a calm and caring environment during these discussions will give your child a sense of love and support.
Here are some steps you can take to help a victim of bullying.
It's natural to want to give a bullied child advice on how they should tackle the problem. Sometimes, simply listening to them is even more helpful. Instead of interjecting with your own opinions, just let them tell their story. This will also help you to gather information if you want to take things further with the school.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been found to be an effective intervention for children who are prone to bullying6. A study has children who had personality types that are known risk factors for bullying (anxiety, sensitivity, impulsivity, sensation seeking) were at a reduced risk of being victimized after a period of CBT.
Many bullied children feel as though they lack strong peer relationships. For this reason, joining a bullying support group where they have a safe space to discuss their issues, and also develop crucial skills can be invaluable. In these spaces, bullied children can build social skills and a sense of comradery. They report feeling stronger, safer, and happier while working together as a team to solve their issues7.
Encourage your child to express their thoughts and feelings. Journaling can be an excellent way to reflect and process what is happening. Best of all, it can lead to understanding and provide solutions.
Writing down thoughts at the moment and developing a consistent journaling practice is the best way to see results.
Carving out some family time and using an expression deck is an excellent tool. It will guide you with journal prompts that include questions to help you with self-growth so your child can listen to their inner voice and build confidence. They are a great tool to help kids communicate with their families on a deeper level. If some of your family values include self-expression and communication give it a try!
If your child is a bullying victim, it can be hard to think of a bully as someone who needs help. However, young people who engage in bad behavior aren't always 'bad kids'. With the right intervention, they can see the error of their ways and recognize their own negative behaviors.
According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, the first step towards helping a child with bullying behaviors is to know the signs8.
If you suspect your child is involved in bullying, it's important to make it clear to them that it isn't acceptable. Remember that as a parent, you can make it clear that treating others with mutual respect is one of your core values.
If you suspect that your child is bullying others, it's important to understand what motivates them to do so. This is where F4S free assessment can help you to understand your child's motivational traits.
With a better understanding of what is causing the behavior, you will be empowered to take positive action toward behavioral change. You can set a goal and then AI Coach Marlee will create a personalized coaching plan to support your success. 90% of users meet their goal when they finish their coaching program!
For example, someone with bullying tendencies might benefit from increasing their emotional skills with our EQ coaching program. While someone who is being bullied might want to strengthen their personal power.
You like some variety, radical changes, doing new and different things in some of your work or business.
With a little bit of development you can become more socially aware of yourself and others.
One of the most disturbing trends that has become more common over the past 10-15 years is the rise of cyberbullying.
Cyberbullying has been defined by Unicef11 as:
"Bullying with the use of digital technologies. It can take place on social media platforms, messaging platforms, gaming platforms, and mobile phones. It is repeated behavior, aimed at scaring, angering or shaming those who are targeted."
This can include spreading rumors, posting humiliating images or videos, and sharing unpleasant comments, threats, or derogatory remarks.
Alarmingly, cyberbullying has been shown to be more prevalent than playground bullying. Research has found that up to 60% of US students have been victims of cyberbullying, a figure that's 30% higher than that of playground bullying12.
While the motivations of cyberbullies appear to be similar to those of traditional playground bullies, research suggests that the sense of anonymity may, in some cases, embolden people to say or do things they wouldn't do in real life. There also appears to be a dovetailing between cyberbullying and the growing issue of social media addiction among teens13.
For instance, a bullying child who also has a social media addiction may compulsively post demeaning comments, or harmful rumors in the same way that others might compulsively share or scroll. Considering that the cyberbully can do so at any time, and in some cases, under the veil of anonymity, means that the frequency, and therefore, the danger of bullying increases for the victim.
As we've seen, bullying comes in different forms, and there is no single solution to bullying. Depending on the type of bullying, the culture of the school, and the environment, dealing with bullying may be on an individual basis, or it may require widespread cultural change within the school to reduce the prevalence of school bullying.
While the causes and explanations for bullying vary, the one thing experts agree on is that bullying is about power. According to bullying expert Dr. Amy Cooper Hakim, bullying comes from a place of insecurity and self-doubt14. Learning to respond to their taunts with confidence and self-assurance can be a highly effective way of taking their power from them.
Another important thing to remember is the power of connection. Bullies often target those who don't have a close social circle or 'loners'. Remind your child that they are loved and that they have a close family unit. Encourage them to take positive action such as spending more time with their friends. As a parent, you can go a long way to facilitate your child's social life to ensure they maintain solid relationships.
A literature review15 on school culture and bullying found that values and norms promoted by schools have a strong impact on the prevalence of bullying. Children re-create the social world around them through their social interactions with peers. If the school actively promotes anti-bullying messages and encourages positive behaviors, it can reduce bullying among students.
If you're concerned that your child's school is creating a climate of tolerance towards bullying, here are some steps you can take toward addressing the issue.
As awareness of the issues grows, school administrators may seek to rectify the issues and engage in new practices to stamp out the cultural factors that give rise to bullying.
Both bullies and victims alike often have traits that predispose them to either role. With an understanding of your child's unique motivational traits, it's possible to begin to curb the issue of bullying and create positive and lasting change.
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