You've probably heard the old adage: trust is built in drops and lost in buckets. Building trust happens over time and it can be broken in an instant.
Although trust has been studied for decades, scientists have struggled to come up with a comprehensive definition.1 The truth is we still don’t know as much as we’d like about the cognitive structure of trust.5 However, from a psychological perspective, we know that relationships can never flourish without a degree of trust.
Maybe you’ve been hurt and betrayed more times than you can count. If you have difficulty with trust, chances are that you jump to conclusions as you anticipate the worst outcome for each possibility.
Learning how to deal with trust issues is just a matter of doing away with fear and fully embracing all your emotions to have a more meaningful life. This may not make too much sense right now, but we’ll explain how it all works.
When we talk about trust issues, we usually refer to feelings, actions, and general behavior deeply rooted in negative thoughts, suspicion, and jealousy.
You can think of trust issues as a coping mechanism. The one thing people with low trust levels have in common is that they’ve all been let down before. With that in mind, we can confidently posit that irrational fear is what causes issues with trust.
If you don’t trust your partner, chances are that you’re afraid they might cheat on you with someone else. If you don’t trust your closest friend, you may fear they’ll use your weaknesses to humiliate or hurt you. If you don’t trust your boss, it might be because you’re afraid of their ulterior motives.
For individuals with trust issues, something valuable to them is always on the line. Their fear and insecurities take over, making them feel like they need to constantly test others. In their mind, everyone is unreliable, deceptive, and untrustworthy by default—a dangerous perspective that can easily tear relationships apart.
Put yourself in your partner’s/friend’s shoes, though: your suspicious feelings assume that they are actually likely to do what you fear the most, even if that’s not close to the truth. The worst is already assumed, and that’s what can hurt the most.
The key to alleviating problems of trust is patience.
By learning how to work through trust issues over time, you, too, can build—and rebuild—trust. Once you’ve mastered the art of turning the 'trust switch' on, you’ll immediately experience new intimate connections with the people closest to you. You’ll liberate yourself from your own negative thinking, and your relationships will feel so much more real and genuine as a result.
First, we need to take a deep dive into the heart of the problem, as we learn to spot the signs that point toward underlying trust issues.
To fix your trust issues, the first step is to identify them.
It’s not always easy to tell whether your trust issues come from rational observations or irrational fear. If you're suspicious of others often, you might experience these 7 signs of a lack of trust:
Becoming a trustworthy person can take time. But it's well worth the effort and is likely to improve your emotional health.
One way to improve trust issues is by getting to know yourself on a deeper level. Whether you're looking to curb emotional jealousy or improve your interactions with colleagues at work, Fingerprint for Success can help.
Get started by taking the free assessment. It's more than 90% accurate and based on 20+ years of research. Your results are shown on our visual dashboard so you can see how you rank on traits like power and control, your level of skepticism, or how open-minded and tolerant you are.
We even help you understand how these traits can be helpful or harmful when not balanced. For example, a high need for power and control is a key trait of leadership and ambition. But if left unchecked, it can lead to unhealthy levels of competition and dominance.
Once you have a better understanding of yourself, you can sign up for a free coaching program. Just set a goal and we'll provide a personalized coaching series. Change takes time, yet 90% of our users report achieving their goals in 4-9 weeks. By taking an honest look at yourself and putting in some time and effort, you can let go of some of those jealous tendencies.
You like some variety, radical changes, doing new and different things in some of your work or business.
With a little bit of development you can become more socially aware of yourself and others.
No, having trust issues is certainly not a disorder. Although people with underlying conditions (e.g., anxiety, depression, PTSD) are more likely to have trust issues, anyone can show suspicious and jealous behavior.
After all, jealousy and suspicion are built into our DNA. Psychologist Joshua Coleman explains how we take advantage of hypervigilance to learn from our past experiences and survive despite repeated betrayals.2 You can’t—and shouldn’t—blindly trust everyone.
But if you spend hours playing imaginary movies in your head and going over terrible scenarios of how people are about to betray you, the problem probably lies with you—not them. This is known as catastrophic thinking. The good news is, with an awareness you can change your thoughts. Support from a therapist or coach can help you build healthy intimate relationships.
That being said, if you suffer from a persistent fear of getting hurt by a romantic partner, you may have philophobia. Philophobia has Greek origins and comprises two words: “phileo,” which means to love, and the common root “phobia,” which means fear (literally, fear of love).3 People with philophobia can get nauseous or lightheaded just by talking—or even hearing—about love and relationships.
If you find it hard to make emotional connections with people in general, you could describe your condition as pistanthrophobia. From the Greek words human (anthropos), faith (piste), and fear (phobos), pistanthrophobia roughly translates to “fear of trusting people.”
As with most irrational phobias, both philophobia and pistanthrophobia are not classified as disorders since their symptoms are only triggered in specific situations.
A mental health professional can easily help so that you can build interpersonal trust.
A lack of trust can ruin relationships. Putting confidence in your partner is probably the single most important prerequisite for a lasting, loving relationship. Of course, you can’t learn how to get over trust issues overnight. But if you want to be truly happy with someone, you need to let go of your prejudiced, subconscious worries.
Dating someone with trust issues is never easy. Here’s what you can do to overcome unresolved trust issues in your relationship:
Trust issues in relationships should be addressed as soon as possible. If all else fails, individual therapy is always an option. If both parties want to build mutual trust, a professional couples counselor can help explain exactly how distrust affects your relationship and help you come up with solutions to your problems. If you’ve never tried it, give it a go - it might be more powerful than you think.
Building trust at work isn’t that different from building trust in a romantic relationship. If you want to be seen as a reliable colleague that others can depend on, here are some ways to develop basic trust at work:
Everyone is bound to experience dishonesty and various breaches of trust. Don't let mistrust rule your life or your relationship. Learning how to deal with trust issues can be profoundly rewarding. It won’t be easy, but with less fear and an open perspective, you can find the strength to trust without fear.
Take the free assessment and build the confidence need to trust yourself and others. Then get started with your personalize coaching program and watch your relationships thrive.
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Our expert coaches have designed hyper-effective programs that will help you improve your mental health, wellbeing, productivity, leadership and more.
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Your recommended programs include:
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Inspire yourself and others to see and achieve grand visions and goals. A focus on goals is especially helpful for inspirational leaders, starting your own business, impactful communication, or for achieving awesome outcomes at work and in life.
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