Signs you have trust issues (and how to repair them)

a woman with blue hair is dealing with trust issues

You've probably heard the old adage: trust is built in drops and lost in buckets. Building trust happens over time and it can be broken in an instant.

Although trust has been studied for decades, scientists have struggled to come up with a comprehensive definition.1 The truth is we still don’t know as much as we’d like about the cognitive structure of trust.5 However, from a psychological perspective, we know that relationships can never flourish without a degree of trust.

Maybe you’ve been hurt and betrayed more times than you can count. If you have difficulty with trust, chances are that you jump to conclusions as you anticipate the worst outcome for each possibility.

Learning how to deal with trust issues is just a matter of doing away with fear and fully embracing all your emotions to have a more meaningful life. This may not make too much sense right now, but we’ll explain how it all works.

Table of contents
What are trust issues?
How do I improve my levels of trust?
What are the signs of trust issues?
Build trust in your interpersonal relationships
Is having trust issues a disorder?
How do you deal with trust issues in a relationship?
How do you deal with trust issues in the workplace?
Develop trust skills and build your relationship satisfaction

What are trust issues?

When we talk about trust issues, we usually refer to feelings, actions, and general behavior deeply rooted in negative thoughts, suspicion, and jealousy.

You can think of trust issues as a coping mechanism. The one thing people with low trust levels have in common is that they’ve all been let down before. With that in mind, we can confidently posit that irrational fear is what causes issues with trust.

If you don’t trust your partner, chances are that you’re afraid they might cheat on you with someone else. If you don’t trust your closest friend, you may fear they’ll use your weaknesses to humiliate or hurt you. If you don’t trust your boss, it might be because you’re afraid of their ulterior motives.

For individuals with trust issues, something valuable to them is always on the line. Their fear and insecurities take over, making them feel like they need to constantly test others. In their mind, everyone is unreliable, deceptive, and untrustworthy by default—a dangerous perspective that can easily tear relationships apart.

Put yourself in your partner’s/friend’s shoes, though: your suspicious feelings assume that they are actually likely to do what you fear the most, even if that’s not close to the truth. The worst is already assumed, and that’s what can hurt the most.

How do I improve my levels of trust?

The key to alleviating problems of trust is patience.

By learning how to work through trust issues over time, you, too, can build—and rebuild—trust. Once you’ve mastered the art of turning the 'trust switch' on, you’ll immediately experience new intimate connections with the people closest to you. You’ll liberate yourself from your own negative thinking, and your relationships will feel so much more real and genuine as a result.

First, we need to take a deep dive into the heart of the problem, as we learn to spot the signs that point toward underlying trust issues.

To fix your trust issues, the first step is to identify them.

What are the signs of trust issues?

It’s not always easy to tell whether your trust issues come from rational observations or irrational fear. If you're suspicious of others often, you might experience these 7 signs of a lack of trust:

  • You feel like you know exactly how people will hurt you. It’s perfectly normal not to trust those who’ve been dishonest in the past. However, If you question people who’ve done nothing to earn your distrust and allow past experiences to cloud your judgment, your depressing visions of the future are just unfounded prophecies. In that case, you might be the one sabotaging your present relationships.
  • You dread commitment. How can you emotionally commit to a relationship when you’re anticipating loss, failure, or have a constant fear of abandonment? You dread commitment because deep inside, you’re convinced a betrayal of trust can happen at any time. For you, it’s not a matter of if; it’s a matter of when.
  • You’re overprotective. Caring about the people you love is healthy, but being overprotective is a whole different story. It’s a sign of fear and insecurity that can quickly diminish relationship satisfaction.
  • You isolate yourself from the world. With trust issues come cynicism and self-isolation. You tend to withdraw from life experiences that might be stressful and you don’t really seek new relationships or nurture existing ones.
  • You have a hard time opening up. If you believe that everyone’s out to hurt you, it’d make sense to keep your deepest worries and emotions hidden. Even in your closest relationships, you’re afraid that people won’t understand you or that they may judge you for who you are. Research shows that by hiding your true emotions, you’re likely compromising your emotional well-being.4 And that can have serious consequences in the long run.
  • You start fights. Do you often pick fights with your partner over petty things? Your lack of trust and unwillingness to face the underlying issues can make you moody and irritable.
  • You feel lonely, even when surrounded by people who love you. Trust issues come with large doses of fear, insecurity, and desperation. If you’re good at sweeping your negative emotions under the rug and putting on a happy face, people won’t ever have a chance to know your true self. That can make you feel incredibly lonely, even in a room full of people that really care about you.

Build trust in your interpersonal relationships

Becoming a trustworthy person can take time. But it's well worth the effort and is likely to improve your emotional health.

One way to improve trust issues is by getting to know yourself on a deeper level. Whether you're looking to curb emotional jealousy or improve your interactions with colleagues at work, Fingerprint for Success can help.

Get started by taking the free assessment. It's more than 90% accurate and based on 20+ years of research. Your results are shown on our visual dashboard so you can see how you rank on traits like power and control, your level of skepticism, or how open-minded and tolerant you are.

F4S assessment shows your traits on a scale
F4S dashboard

We even help you understand how these traits can be helpful or harmful when not balanced. For example, a high need for power and control is a key trait of leadership and ambition. But if left unchecked, it can lead to unhealthy levels of competition and dominance.

Once you have a better understanding of yourself, you can sign up for a free coaching program. Just set a goal and we'll provide a personalized coaching series. Change takes time, yet 90% of our users report achieving their goals in 4-9 weeks. By taking an honest look at yourself and putting in some time and effort, you can let go of some of those jealous tendencies.

Personalized insights for your goal

Pioneering new things
An illustration of a Man wearing a a blue suit with head gear fully covered his head.

You like some variety, radical changes, doing new and different things in some of your work or business.

100% Match
Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
An illustration of a woman holding a Heart on her right hand and Brain on her left hand.

With a little bit of development you can become more socially aware of yourself and others.

61% Match
Take the free assessment

Is having trust issues a disorder?

No, having trust issues is certainly not a disorder. Although people with underlying conditions (e.g., anxiety, depression, PTSD) are more likely to have trust issues, anyone can show suspicious and jealous behavior.

After all, jealousy and suspicion are built into our DNA. Psychologist Joshua Coleman explains how we take advantage of hypervigilance to learn from our past experiences and survive despite repeated betrayals.2 You can’t—and shouldn’t—blindly trust everyone.

But if you spend hours playing imaginary movies in your head and going over terrible scenarios of how people are about to betray you, the problem probably lies with you—not them. This is known as catastrophic thinking. The good news is, with an awareness you can change your thoughts. Support from a therapist or coach can help you build healthy intimate relationships.

That being said, if you suffer from a persistent fear of getting hurt by a romantic partner, you may have philophobia. Philophobia has Greek origins and comprises two words: “phileo,” which means to love, and the common root “phobia,” which means fear (literally, fear of love).3 People with philophobia can get nauseous or lightheaded just by talking—or even hearing—about love and relationships.

If you find it hard to make emotional connections with people in general, you could describe your condition as pistanthrophobia. From the Greek words human (anthropos), faith (piste), and fear (phobos), pistanthrophobia roughly translates to “fear of trusting people.

As with most irrational phobias, both philophobia and pistanthrophobia are not classified as disorders since their symptoms are only triggered in specific situations.

A mental health professional can easily help so that you can build interpersonal trust.

How do you deal with trust issues in a relationship?

A lack of trust can ruin relationships. Putting confidence in your partner is probably the single most important prerequisite for a lasting, loving relationship. Of course, you can’t learn how to get over trust issues overnight. But if you want to be truly happy with someone, you need to let go of your prejudiced, subconscious worries.

Dating someone with trust issues is never easy. Here’s what you can do to overcome unresolved trust issues in your relationship:

  • Stop monitoring their actions. This can be extremely difficult, especially if you’re used to knowing what your partner is doing at all times. Give them some space and show that you choose trust over suspicion. Stop calling them every five minutes, and resist the urge to sneak a peek at their phone when they’re away.
  • Speak up. If you have a reason to feel jealous or suspicious, make sure you communicate it early with your partner. Problems won’t magically disappear; you have to open your communication and be honest about everything—especially the things that aren’t working out as well as you’d like.
  • Recognize that you’ve been hurt in the past. There are some things we like to keep to ourselves. You don’t have to share details about your childhood trauma or past relationships with your current partner if you don’t feel comfortable. However, remember, while you may have experienced pain before, your current partner isn’t to blame for that pain—they weren’t the ones that hurt you. Identify these negative emotions, and assure yourself that the people that caused you pain are no longer around.
  • Don’t keep too many secrets. Your partner deserves to know the real you, genuine and unfiltered. Instead of keeping secrets from your significant other, try to share secrets with them. Honesty brings honesty, and you’ll find that opening up more often will bring you closer together, even if it feels a little daunting at the time.
  • Try to see your relationship through their eyes. Empathy is a sign of high emotional intelligence. Next time you feel like letting your insecurities take control, put yourself in your partner’s shoes. How would you feel if you were constantly monitored and accused of things you’ve never done?

Trust issues in relationships should be addressed as soon as possible. If all else fails, individual therapy is always an option. If both parties want to build mutual trust, a professional couples counselor can help explain exactly how distrust affects your relationship and help you come up with solutions to your problems. If you’ve never tried it, give it a go - it might be more powerful than you think.

How do you deal with trust issues in the workplace?

Building trust at work isn’t that different from building trust in a romantic relationship. If you want to be seen as a reliable colleague that others can depend on, here are some ways to develop basic trust at work:

  • Appreciate your team and be honest with them. Honesty is key to any healthy relationship, but so is appreciation. Remember to acknowledge your team’s hard work and give praise when it’s due.
  • Avoid gossip like the plague. Gossip is a sign of a toxic work environment. Building trust at the expense of others is a recipe for disaster. Even then, those who gossip don’t really trust each other—mainly due to fear of having the same people also talk behind their backs.
  • Be consistent. It’s hard to trust someone when their mood is changing all the time. Just as you’re expected to consistently deliver and perform, you’re also expected to remain calm and keep a cool head even when under a lot of pressure.
  • Pay attention to your body language. Not everyone’s made for stressful work environments, but you can use body language to make people feel more comfortable around you. Make yourself more approachable by maintaining eye contact and turning to face the person you’re interacting with. Don’t cross your arms, hide your face, or put objects between you and the person you're engaging with.
  • Share information. If you learned something useful that could make your coworkers’ lives easier, don’t keep it to yourself—share it with them! If colleagues know that you’re not keeping things secret to gain a competitive advantage, they’re likely to reciprocate when the time comes for them. Everybody wins.

Develop trust skills and build your relationship satisfaction

Everyone is bound to experience dishonesty and various breaches of trust. Don't let mistrust rule your life or your relationship. Learning how to deal with trust issues can be profoundly rewarding. It won’t be easy, but with less fear and an open perspective, you can find the strength to trust without fear.

Start building trust now

Take the free assessment and build the confidence need to trust yourself and others. Then get started with your personalize coaching program and watch your relationships thrive.

My Coaching Plan:

Our expert coaches have designed hyper-effective programs that will help you improve your mental health, wellbeing, productivity, leadership and more.

Coach Marlee (your amazing AI-powered personal coach) will analyse your unique traits and goals to let you know which program to start with (and if there are any you should skip)!

Your recommended programs include:

Show more programs
Hide
A group of people representing team building

Team Building

Take your teaming to the next level in this high impact 9-week team coaching program with Coach Marlee. Discover and optimize complementary strengths and unique talents with your team, reach decisions together quickly, enjoy team cohesion, high energy and motivation as a bonded team.

icon of time
5 - 15 minutes
 per session
icon of a calendar
2 sessions per week
a person with a magnifying glass and sirkel representing attention to detail

Attention to Detail

Impress yourself and others with your attention to detail! Develop a genuine appreciation, energy and stamina for detailed thinking to execute your vision, measure performance in yourself and others while also accelerating your ability to learn and change.

icon of time
5 - 15 minutes
 per session
icon of a calendar
2 sessions per week
illustration of a person wearing a crown representing personal power

Personal Power

In this high impact eight week program Coach Marlee will help you increase your comfort and confidence to be in positions of influence and leadership, navigate organizational politics and also help you develop greater confidence to compete and influence at the top of your industry or field.

icon of time
5 - 15 minutes
 per session
icon of a calendar
2 sessions per week
illustration of a person with floating icons around representing multiplying your impact

Multiply Your Impact

Multiply your impact by embracing the experience and genius within others. During this eight week program Coach Marlee will help you to develop a genuine appreciation for experimentation and data and a willingness to empower the opinions, feedback and insights within your team and others in your life.

icon of time
5 - 15 minutes
 per session
icon of a calendar
2 sessions per week
illustration of a person thinking of a problem having a gut feeling about the answer

Trust Your Gut Feel

Explore, strengthen and stand by what you believe in at work and in life. Trust in your ‘gut feel’ and point of view is especially helpful for influencing, starting your own business, having your personal needs met and for living an authentic and meaningful life.

icon of time
5 - 15 minutes
 per session
icon of a calendar
2 sessions per week
illustration of a person looking on things with a wider persepective representing big picture thinking

Big Picture Thinker

Inspire yourself and others to see the bigger picture! Increase your comfort and use of abstract and strategic thinking to gain a broader perspective in work and life. Big picture thinking is key in communication, leadership, businesses, selling, marketing, and situations where you need to get the gist of things quickly.

icon of time
5 - 15 minutes
 per session
icon of a calendar
2 sessions per week
illustration of a woman sitting down and reflecting representing reflection and patience

Reflection & Patience

Develop ‘step back’ mastery for increased self-awareness and developing mindsets and tools for constant improvement. Reflection and patience is core to consolidating learning, development, strategic thinking, recharging and living an authentic and meaningful life.

icon of time
5 - 15 minutes
 per session
icon of a calendar
2 sessions per week
illustration of a person empowered for a fast start

Start Fast

Close the gap between your great ideas and starting them. Energy and drive for starting is key for inventing new things, starting businesses, selling, marketing, socializing or in situations where you need to think on your feet.

icon of time
5 - 15 minutes
 per session
icon of a calendar
2 sessions per week
illustration of a person cheering with hands in the air representing EQ increase

Increase EQ

Explore, develop or strengthen your emotional intelligence (EQ). Awareness of your and others’ emotions is at the heart of influencing, ‘reading people’, impactful communication, deep relating and authentic connection at work and in life.

icon of time
5 - 15 minutes
 per session
icon of a calendar
2 sessions per week
Person with a dart aiming at a target representing Goal Catching

Goal Catcher

Inspire yourself and others to see and achieve grand visions and goals. A focus on goals is especially helpful for inspirational leaders, starting your own business, impactful communication, or for achieving awesome outcomes at work and in life.

icon of time
5 - 15 minutes
 per session
icon of a calendar
2 sessions per week

Testimonials

Jack
This is some text inside of a div block.

"I have learned how to communicate better using every tool I have in myself, especially in learning how to use my tone of voice"

Prette
This is some text inside of a div block.

“This was a good reflection and trigger to make the decision that I was pondering!”

Show more testimonials
Hide
Kelly
This is some text inside of a div block.

“I learned how to chunk up and see the bigger picture before turning to the details”

Lara
This is some text inside of a div block.

“Marlee helped me discover skills in myself and others on how to work together as a team!”

Maggie
This is some text inside of a div block.

“I learned to manage my stress about details”

Tommy
This is some text inside of a div block.

“I love how practical this coaching is!”

Alessandro
This is some text inside of a div block.

“Blew my mind, had no idea how arrogant I have been. Total blind spot. I really like the multiplier stuff”

Micky
This is some text inside of a div block.

“I found how to not give up!”

Show References
Hide References
  1. (2017). Available at: https://www.aspeninstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Chang.The-Science-of-Trust.pdf
  2. (2008). Available at: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/surviving_betrayal
  3. (2011). Available at: https://www.academia.edu/11197911/Case_Study_About_Personality_Disorder_Philophobia_Fear_of_Love_What_is_Philophobia
  4. (2014). Available at: https://academic.oup.com/scan/article/10/6/801/1732379
  5. (2001). Available at: https://www.cairn-int.info/article-E_RES_108_0125--the-cognitive-and-normative-structure.htm

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Suspendisse varius enim in eros elementum tristique. Duis cursus, mi quis viverra ornare."

Name Surname

Position, Company name

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Suspendisse varius enim in eros elementum tristique. Duis cursus, mi quis viverra ornare."

Name Surname

Position, Company name

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Suspendisse varius enim in eros elementum tristique. Duis cursus, mi quis viverra ornare."

Name Surname

Position, Company name

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Suspendisse varius enim in eros elementum tristique. Duis cursus, mi quis viverra ornare."

Name Surname

Position, Company name

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Suspendisse varius enim in eros elementum tristique. Duis cursus, mi quis viverra ornare."

Name Surname

Position, Company name

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Suspendisse varius enim in eros elementum tristique. Duis cursus, mi quis viverra ornare."

Name Surname

Position, Company name

Head that contains a heart with line beating line.

Hack your wellbeing, productivity and goals

. . . with personal (or team) coaching!

Programs are created by expert coaches & delivered by our incredible A.I. Coach Marlee. Sessions only take 5-15 minutes and are 100% personalized to fit your unique traits and goals.
Take the free assessment
^ Click to chat with your AI coach!
v  CLOSE